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No
portion of this article may be reprinted without permission. Contact
Kajira for inquiries. This article is awaiting publication in
Zaghareet!
Magazine.
Introduction:
The following opinion was written because I have seen such changes
lately in students’ attitudes who attend my workshops across
the country and especially in Southern California. I am seeing more
and more young students walking into my classes with such incredible
obstacles of poor self-esteem to overcome that it breaks my heart.
Some of these beautiful young women are in such bad shape esteem-wise
they cannot even lift their chins to look into the mirror, they
cannot believe that they’re doing something correctly, they
cannot take in a compliment at all. They compare and compare and
compare themselves despite repeated admonishments not to do so,
that other students are more experienced, etc.
Many do not hear me at all, they only hear their own “tapes”
that play over and over in their heads telling them that if they’re
not Britney, Lucy, Christina or Halle they should just curl up in
a ball and never leave the house again. This is a terribly frightening
thing to me as a teacher, simply sad beyond measure. And it’s
increasing in frequency as time goes on. I have heard once too often
that so-and-so tried someone else’s class and was told they
weren’t “pretty enough,” “young enough,”
“of the right body type” or “athletic enough”
to attend the class. Honest! I am not making this up, all these
things were said to me by different attendees a few weeks ago at
a workshop I taught in SoCal. I told them all that they are just
fine for my classes or workshops and that they are always welcome.
I could not believe any other “teachers” would not respond
in this manner!
I do support troupe directors’ rights to only include whomever
they please according to whatever criteria they wish in their performing
troupes, but in mere classes? Even beginning ones, where innocent
people come to us for guidance often right off the street, with
no previous training in dance? I feel it’s up to us as teachers
to uplift and support them, not break them down further. And so
this article was born as a feeble attempt to help stem the tide
of self-destruction - especially for women in our society - and
to let others know that there are still supportive teachers out
there and above all, to never, ever give up!
Don’t buy it. You are not too ugly, too fat, too skinny, too
old, too scarred, too marred or too substandard in comparison to
anyone else to perform in public if you desire to do so.
Don’t buy it. Don’t listen to your television, the radio,
the movies or the glamour magazines. Don’t buy into the marketing
of the maybe 3% of the population that makes it into professional
modeling, acting or music videos. After all, these women are in
such a minority to be considered the “freaks” - not you
who are “normal.” In any other study, it would be the
97 percentile that sets the standard, not the 3 percent left at
the top or bottom of the heap of humanity measured.
Though I applaud producers like Miles Copeland of Ark 21 Records
(the brain and money behind the Bellydance Superstars) for helping
to bring Middle Eastern dance to the uneducated masses, at the same
time I wish the public and the producers were ready to hire more
examples of “real women.” But, they’re obviously
not, as their videos and events seem to include only the dancers
that fit the Hollywood ideal. How about you? Are you ready to attend
shows and buy videos that include women who look more “average”
- say, more like yourself? Or do you help to feed the misogynistic
machine by your actions as well?
I
talk to women and men every day who feel expectations placed upon
us by society are unrealistic and unattainable. We are made to feel
as if there’s something wrong with us if we are not someone
else’s idea of “perfect.” We can be made to feel
as if we don’t belong on a stage. Even our dance magazines
sometimes glorify the gorgeous at the expense of the not-quite-as-physically-pretty-but-just-as-accomplished.
What if we said “no” to this mindset? What if we rebelled
as a society? What if, unlike Erma Bombeck who wrote about her regrets
for not wearing “purple hats” before she was dying from
a terminal illness in her poem called “If I Had My Life To
Live Over,” we collectively said “heck with it” and
wore our purple hats today anyway? Outside standards of propriety
and beauty be damned? What if we didn’t allow ourselves to
wish we’d done things differently from our deathbeds? (That
will NOT be me, gentle readers, and it is my hope it will not be
you, either.)
Would we empower ourselves past the images we are bombarded with
into a new world? One of acceptance of all people, whether uncommonly
beautiful or plain janes?
I personally know the value of going beyond “skin deep”
in dance. It may have hurt my troupe’s chances of getting some
gigs of the type mentioned previously that admittedly cater to the
“18-to-24-year-old white male MTV crowd” (from a conversation
with Barbara Bolan of Ark 21 Records in regards to the Bellydance
Superstars’ restricted audition process) over the years, but
what it gives to us as practitioners of the dance and to the audiences
that hire us to perform for them is beyond measure. For I have refused
to set my troupe’s standards to those of the “belly bunnies”
- only, the young, thin and pretty. I have managed to attract women
from all body types to my troupe and my classes and keep them there.
I have taught them to celebrate themselves and to become beautiful
from the inside out.
What this does for our students and audiences is to likewise empower
them. I am never as happy as I am after a gig when people come up
to us and say, “wow! When I heard there would be bellydancers,
I didn’t know what to expect. But then you guys came out, and
wow! - what a breath of fresh air, what a relief, what a wonderful
thing, how different you are from what we’ve come to associate
with bellydancing!” These people often become our new students,
no matter whether they’re larger than “what should be
seen in public,” older than what is thought OK to start dance
classes, recovering from injury to body or self esteem, and even
if they are young, pretty and physically fit! This year’s record
class registrations for me (about 65 students per week) attest to
the need and appeal of this type of acceptance for everyone in today’s
world.
I believe my classes are popular not only because I am a good teacher,
but because we (my students and I) represent, celebrate and embrace
Every Woman - and the students and audiences understand this. They
do not leave our classroom or shows intimidated, put off, or frustrated.
They leave knowing that they, too, are perfect and powerful beings,
capable of the same joy they feel us generate. This is profoundly
healing on conscious and unconscious levels, and from our immediate
audience this effect extends out in ripples to all they tell their
stories to. In effect, our classes and shows offer Every Woman another
possibility - one of self-acceptance and worthiness. We can help
them overcome these feelings of lack that can beat down women today
and keep them from reaching their fullest potential.
I am so very proud of my dancers: from tiny, sweet n’ petite
Marie to confident, smart, goddess-size Dawn, from the wiry, muscular
group fitness instructor Della to the soft but strong yogini Lori.
From Najla, the single mom of three teens with a spirit that cannot
be squelched, to lovely, doe-eyed Azza, the one our Persian host
at a recent party kept calling out to as we danced, “goregous!
Like Britney Spears!” From our perky, rounded and luscious
Stacey to our studious, steady and slim Deanna, to the lean, lovely
and willowy sisters, Martha Jane and Sherry.
These are my BlackSheep and The Lambs, who are the next generation
of BlackSheep BellyDancers. We take pride in the fact our troupe
has representatives of women everywhere, and not only in body shape
and size. We also differ in race, age, preference of partners, diet,
occupations and education. This wasn’t planned or artificially
constructed like the Bellydance Superstars troupe was. I did not
find only the most beautiful and thinnest dancers to contact to
throw together like a bellydance version of The Spice Girls or N’
Sync. This happened as naturally as taking a breath, as naturally
as letting it out again. As naturally as the bounce in a healthy
woman’s step occurs when she’s happy, as naturally as
we’d look if no one had any mirrors or glamour magazines or
VH1. As naturally as a village or a Tribe would evolve...
Trust me, you don’t have to buy it. It is not true. The only
person you need compare yourself to is you. As long as you always
strive to be better, healthier and happier, you also deserve your
place in the sun. Don’t give up, keep working and practicing.
Develop new habits if the old ones are no longer serving you, turn
off your televisions and set down the glamour mags. You will find
that once you begin this path of self-acceptance it will turn into
a celebration. This in turn will lead you to healthier avenues,
and by choice, so you will stick with them because they give you
even more joy and not because you think you “have to”
according to others! Buy videos and attend events that celebrate
real women who deserve it because of their life experience and incredible
skill that can only be developed over time and not just because
of their sex appeal. Remember our teachers of the first generation
of Middle Eastern dance in America like Bert Balladine, who said,
“A woman has nothing to dance about until she’s at least
over 30!”
It’s not too late. Just because you may not look like a model,
actress or “superstar” does not mean you cannot be graceful,
strong, successful, entertaining and above all, inspiring, on stage!
Go out and dance like you want to, like you are meant to. If your
teacher wants a certain “look” or body type for her troupe
and you are not it, find another teacher and stop wasting your time
and money. It is up to us to buy into this or not. It is up to us
to support our sisters and brothers in dance due to their achievements
and not only their looks. Don’t let it get you down, don’t
let it stop you from dancing, don’t buy it.... in the end,
it’s up to you.
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